You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
