I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
