Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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