I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
