apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
