So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
