we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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