Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
