There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
