Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
this is an emotional support booty call
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
