Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
