So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
