Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
