M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
