i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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