Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
