u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
