I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
