I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
