I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
