Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
