you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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