erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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