He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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