i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
