Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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