A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
