Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
