So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
where are my eyebrows?
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