I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
