i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
