Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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