what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
