dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
