I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
