While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
