you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
