You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
