i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
