I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
