mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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