Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
