I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
