She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
