Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
