I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
