Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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