I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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