just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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