halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
