It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
