You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
